Brave Face / Saving Face
When someone called me
the name of another Asian person
in a group recently,
I explained, “It’s fine,
because I view our relationship
in a positive regard.”
It wasn’t until someone else
responded, “But, it’s not fine,”
that I let myself feel like
crying, let myself feel
that it was not fine.
How often we keep a brave face,
From the “little things” to the big ones.
It’s the scene in Crazy Rich Asians,
where Nick asks Rachel’s friend, Peik Lin,
“Do you wanna stop by for some dinner?”
She denies twice before finally accepting his third ask,
even though it’s the thing she wants most
in that moment.
It’s the mahjong scene
when Rachel folds to Nick’s mom,
instead of pursuing the man she loves.
It’s the last scene in Ip Man 4,
after knowing he is terminally ill,
where Ip Man teaches his son kung fu and says,
“Let me demonstrate it once for you.
Record it on camera.”
Where he doesn’t say,
“I’m not sure how much longer
I’ll be here with you,
keep a memory of me,
so I can teach you longer.”
It’s the scene in Ip Man 3,
after the couple learns she is terminally ill,
where his wife says to him,
“Let me get you more rice.”
Where she doesn’t say,
“I’m not sure how much longer
I’ll be here to love you,
let me love you.”
It’s the grandma who says to the grandson,
“Why would you spend money on me?”
Where she doesn’t say,
“Thank you. This is how special I feel
That you thought of me.”
It’s the grandma who takes off
Her 90th birthday celebration pin
Before getting out of the car
And when asked by a neighbor, “You’re all dressed up,
Did you celebrate something special today?”
She replies with, “Yea,
it was someone’s birthday.”
To everything that’s said.
To all the things we never say,
To all the things we feel underneath,
To holding space for all of it.
Brave. Face.
Brave. No face.
Just brave.
Loved this poem?
Invite me to perform the series and / or host a Grief Circle for you and your family, friends, or colleagues.
